Category: Campfire Conversation

Really Seeing

November 15th, 2024

Short. Tall. Different hues. Long Hair. Short. Glasses. Braces. Both. Neither.

We all look different. And, depending on your own personal background and experiences, you’ll most likely look at someone and make an initial judgement.

This will depend on a lot of things: what you’ve experienced in the past with someone dressed the same or looking similar or what you’ve been taught or what you believe.

But there are always surprises. For example, I’m typing this on an airplane. A man in the ‘first class’ section of the plane just stood up. He had glasses, a fancy coat and briefcase in his hand. Business man, right? Well… I thought he same until I saw his ‘shoes’ – each toe had its own little sleeve but yet they looked like loafers.

There HAS to be more to this guy than the first glance would tell you. And that goes for all of us.

More About You

When we view someone (or something) else, the idea we create of that person (or thing) tells you more about yourself than about that which you are actually viewing.

We get used to people looking at us. In fact, a lot of time, we dress or act or accessorize ourselves in a way to tell a story. We want to come across as someone is a ‘part of the group’ or someone who wants to disappear.

Some people’s genetics make them a lot taller than most of their fellow humans. Others have genetics that make them much shorter. I passed two people who fit each description on the way to my airline gate and caught myself looking a little too much at both.

They are used to it, I thought. Then I realized this: I don’t know what they are used to. I don’t know a darn-thing about them. I’ve got this idea in my head about who they are or what they feel or thing but that’s just it – an idea. Simply put, I was seeing my idea of them rather than who they actually were.

Tattoo Bob & Wrong Impressions

How often do we do this – make quick assumptions about the person and what think or feel or dream about, what they’d say or do in different situations.

When Kate and I first worked at camp, a huge truck pulled up late one night, shining its (many) lights into the office. I was the only one in there at the time. This HUGE figure stepped out. I’m talking like ‘The Rock’ big. Tattoos up and down his arms and neck, crew cut, enormous boots and ripped jeans. While my protective instincts marshalled, I also knew I was wayyyy out-matched if things went sideways.

“You must be Cole,” this mountain of a man said as he stuck out his hand. “I’m Sgt. Bob, your new security man. Pleased to finally meet you in person.”

Phew. I had a few ideas in my head. To realize none were about to come true was a relief. Tattoo Bob worked with us for many summers and was a great guy! In fact, he even serves as our ‘night nurse’ on more than one occasion as he was also the head of the local EMTs.

Questions for You

Who do you see that you THINK you know a lot about but really don’t know a thing. Here’s an even easier question: do you know the name of the person who serves your food at lunch or cleans the classroom? How much will it change your life if you did?

My mother made sure my brother and I did. Mr. Frank worked at our school driving buses and cleaning the classrooms for years. Mr. Bridges (who we used to call Mr. ‘Britches’) is still working at my old school.

Several years ago, a group of my friends and I bumped into Mr. Frank at the local Waffle House. We had a great time reconnecting… and were shocked that he knew not only our names but asked about our parents, made comments about where we had gone to college and that he was proud that we’d all grown into good young men.

…

It’s hard to describe what meant to us at the time. It definitely changed the complexion of the night. This man, who had served our food at lunch, drove us safely on the bus, and made sure our school was always ready for our learning, really knew us. Even more, he was proud of us.

He said that us 25 years ago and I still remember. Let me tell you… it meant a lot to me.

Get to know the people in the small world around you, kiddos. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at the result. Have a great weekend!

What Signal Do You Send?

October 25th, 2024

Campers, we have a bit of greenery at camp I bet you’ve never noticed. In front of the Dining Hall, there are two (very) tall ‘signal cedars’, one on either side of the main stairs onto the porch. While I don’t have any records to back this up, I bet they were planted there in the late 1970s when the Dining Hall was originally built. Over the past 40+ years, they’ve grown to over 30’ in height.

“So… why are these important and why, Cole, are you bringing them up now?” That’s a good question – I’m glad you asked.

Signal Cedars

Per my cousin who owns a ranch at which two of these massive trees stand, they’ve been used all over the country for a very long time. They are planted outside of homes, at the front of neighborhoods, outside of schools and churches and many other spots.

The purpose of the trees are to broadcast to everyone who can see them ‘you are welcome here.’ Now, you’d be hard pressed to see them in front of our Dining Hall, even from the Main Gate. But, when we visited our cousin’s ranch in Arizona, the Kelly boys and I could see the signal cedars planted outside their home from miles away.

Imagine riding on your horse or in your wagon as you moved West across the country. You’d be hungry, thirsty, dirty from the trail and more tired than you can imagine. And then, as you cross a high pass and look down in the valley, these trees stand out to you. They are a beacon of ‘welcome’, of hospitality in a sometimes-inhospitable world. You’d point your wagon their way.

What’s Your Signal?

If you’d not yet noticed, there is an election going on in the US. Those who are old enough and eligible will cast their ballots on local, state and federal elections between now and November 5th. There are a lot people who will be happy with the results. There will be a lot of people unhappy with them.

And, we still have to move forward as a community and a nation. We still need to be those people who welcome in those who need help, whether we agree or not with their choice of civil servants.

So… what kind of signal to you send out? We don’t have trees that can grow out of our heads that tell people, ‘stop on by!’ I’m sure that would do the exact opposite, in fact.

No, we’ve got a figure out another way. Here are a few that come to mind quickly:

  1. Do you smile easily and look people in the eye? Research shows that people who make eye contact and smile are rated much more approachable than others, regardless of their gender, ethnicity, socio-economic situation, political or religious views.
  2. What are you saying on the socials? The whole world is a billboard now and the view is through your comments, likes, posts, etc. on X, tiktok, Facebook and more. Marcus Aurelius reminds us that “Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” Are you being humble and willing to listen?
  • How do you act towards someone who can’t do a bit of good for you in the long term? Here’s a question: do you know the janitor’s name in your school or your building? What about the person who delivers your mail mixes your fun drink at the local store?

We are so pre-occupied with people who we’ll (most likely) never meet that we fail to get to know – even a little – the people make the small world around us better… even a little.

  • Do you accept there are different viewpoints and culture as your own? We are lucky at Weequahic to have campers from 16 different US states and 12 different countries. What our campers from China experience is very different than those from Bethesda or Houston.

What can be thought as ‘acceptable opinions’ in Iowa could be different than those same choices on Long Island. AND THAT’S ACTUALLY GOOD! The greatest progress is made by people gathering together, sharing their viewpoints and knowledge and working, hand in hand, towards a common good.

Build Better Habits… and Show Courage

If you want to be better at sending ‘welcoming’ signals, smile more, look people in the eye, get to know their names. Reduce your focus from way, way out there to right around you, right now. (Like we do at camp!)

You may feel like you are missing out… at first. But, just like when we live for a day or two at camp phone-free, we realize all we need and want is right around us.

This is a habit, something that is formed with intentional effort over time until it becomes simply routine. And, it’s a routine that will make you more approachable, more welcoming. It’ll be your signal.

Have a great weekend.

We Should vs. I Will

October 18th, 2024

One of the most incredible discoveries of the 20th century concerned the structure of light. That which comes from the sun (and the tiny light above my seat on the plane as I type this) is both a wave and a collection of tiny packets of energy. Imagine millions of little ping pong balls of energy moving together to form a wave. Pretty awesome. (I like to think of it as the turtles jet stream-scene from Finding Nemo.)

This discovery helped to explain a lot of physics that I don’t understand… though I’m very happy it happened. Regardless of the science, for the purposes of this little campfire lesson, it’s how light is constructed – millions of packets of energy acting, moving and dancing together – that’s important.

We Should vs. I Will

We live in a great country. Do we have problems? Of course. In fact, if you read the news, you’d think things have never been worse. However, if you are a reader of history or a person that looks behind the sensational to look at the actual data… well, a very good argument could be made that things have never been better.

We live in a country where people lend a helping hand their neighbor. How do I know? Because one of our boys lives in Boone, NC where a once-in-a-100-year-storm left enormous devastation. Many people who live outside the town are now weeks without power and drink and eat only from the gifts and service of others.

There were a lot of people saying ‘we should’ do something… and then not doing anything. However, the gifts and service that is happening came from a collection of individuals (or ‘I’s’) doing something about the problem. The ‘we shoulds’ around the country did nothing but lend an opinion. Those who spent their time and their resources to aid these people are those who said ‘I will.’

When the collection of ‘I wills’ became strong enough, they became a wave that stared to bring the light of community and warmth of support to the people of Boone and Ashville and Blowing Rock and so many other places. This is true in almost every other ‘help needed’ situation out there… including camp.

‘We should’ is an opinion, a small set of words in the wind. They mean nothing.

“We should be welcoming to a new camper in our bunk.” Absolutely. Now – HOW do you do it and, looking back, DID you?

“We should confront a friend who is being mean.” Totally. Did you?

“We should be kind to one another, even when we disagree on something like food, religion, video games, or who our parents vote for.” Absolutely. Did you act so?

It Takes Courage

‘We should’ works only when it’s followed by at least one ‘I will.’ One person stepping forward with the courage and humility to act can and will draw others. Courage, just like fear, is contagious. 

Maya Angelou once said:

Courage is the most important of all the virtues because, without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.

Of, as Winston Churchill stated:

“Courage is rightly considered the foremost of the virtues, for upon it, all others depend”

It’s the exercise of courage that turns ‘we should’ into a whole bunch of ‘I wills.’ Doesn’t mean you are always right (or wrong). But at least you’ll be doing something that can be reviewed and changed, if needed.

So… go be an ‘I will’ rather an a ‘we should.’ As President Adams enocouraged his children: Be good and do good.