Bold claim: We have an epidemic-level of ‘expectation’ running through society and it’s making us miserable. What do I mean? Here are a couple possible examples. Maybe they fit your life:

You wake up and open the app on your phone and expect a few new ‘likes’, news that confirms what you already think or a dozen snaps from snap-friends. You expect the ride to school to be easy or breakfast to be warm, tasty and already prepared. The test you took last week – you crushed it and expect a good grade when it’s returned.

What happens when reality doesn’t match those expectations? When those expected notifications on your phone are missing? When it’s another bowl of stale cereal? When that grade is well below what you expected?

You get disappointed, angry or sad. If you aren’t careful, these feelings can build up and make you forget something we learn and practice at camp each summer: we get to choose how we react… to anything.

My Own Expectations – An Example

When we expect, we are already planning our reaction to that event. When I expect a new family to enroll after meeting with them, I’m already planning on throwing a party, sending a fun t-shirt out to the new camper and adding them to the bunk list in my head. It’s going to be great!

However, when they decide to go to another camp (which does happen every so often and I hope they have a fabulous summer), my future party plans have been foiled and my emotions turned into a bit of a twist.

While I may have some influence over that family’s decision, do I have control over it? Nope. They get to decide what they’d like to do and will simply tell me. Should I expect that they will enroll? No, not really. That can lead to those hard feelings.

What’s the antidote to the negative emotions of fail expectations?

Appreciation

When we approach new situations – and even old ones – with appreciation, it changes things for the better. From the examples above: ‘Wow – I’ve got a phone and all these apps that literally connect me to 85% of the world – crazy!’ Or: ‘Lot of kids don’t have anything to eat – I appreciate this meal before school.’ With the test – and this may be the most challenging: ‘Ok, this s a good lesson and opportunity to learn what I didn’t really know.’

One of the most successful humans in recent years is Oprah Winfrey. Here’s what she has to say about appreciation:

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”

Here’s a little exercise that you can put into practice whenever you’d like: look around at your situation and ask yourself: what have I not noticed before. And then appreciate what you find. That means you need to think for a moment about how it makes your life a tiny bit better.

So… No Expectations Then?

Nope! Expectations can be really helpful… as long as you can control the outcome. In my ‘new family’ example above, I would expect that I had prepared to the best of my ability, answered all of their questions honestly and thoughtfully, and did my best to build a relationship with them in the time we had together.

Then, whether they enroll at camp or not, I’ll have met my expectations… of what I can control. And if they do decide to enroll, I should appreciate their choice. Should they decide on another option, I should appreciate the time we spent together and learn from it. And then move on.

Campers, let’s be thoughtful on how we approach our days. Do so with expectations for yourself and appreciation for all else and you’ve got the start of a winning formula.

We had so much fun as last week’s Winter Gathering in NYC. Over 170 returning and new parents joined us for some bowling, laughing, fun and connection.

That last word is important, especially given what has transpired in our world for the past few years. During the Summer of 2020, the vast majority of us lived very separate lives – something that really has never been done in our modern era. We lost a bit of the connection that makes us who we are.

A Dawg Lesson

No surprise considering where I grew up and spent some time at school, but I’m happy the Georgia Bulldawgs won (another) national championship this past week. I happened to watch a ‘pump up’ video from the team with Coach Smart talking with the locker room. What was the theme?

Connection. Togetherness. One plus one = three. The love for each other. The sacrifice and support for each other.

That’s the secret sauce that takes a (whole lot) of great individual athletes and turns them into an incredible team. Connection. That’s the antidote to being alone, on an island: developing a group of people around you with whom you connect completely.

A Tree Lesson

I learned something else about connection this past week. Did you know the redwoods found in California, the largest living things on planet Earth, have very shallow root systems? You’d think, like the skyscrapers we build, their foundations, their roots would dive deep into the earth.

Instead, the roots of the redwoods spread out. They overlap one another. The literally connect into to grow taller, to become something no one has seen before. There it is again:

Connection. Togetherness. One plus one = three. The love for each other. The sacrifice and support for each other.

Thank you, Dr. King

This being the weekend we commemorate Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s life, I’d be remiss to not bring up one of his powerful and important quotes:  

“We must learn to live together as brothers or we will perish together as fools.”

MLK

He’s right, you now. And, it’s a forward-thinking statement. Yes, there have been troubles in our past. That does not mean the future has to be the same. In order to grow, to build… we have to come together.

Connection. Togetherness. One plus one = three. The love for each other. The sacrifice and support for each other.

I hope y’all have a great weekend. Make sure to connect to those around you and even those who are not. It’ll make their day… and your own.