I’ve been reading a lot about anxiety in our nation’s youth. Getting to work with kids all summer, I’m blessed to see it on the other side; if our campers arrive anxious, they leave relaxed, engaged and connected.

But, as a camp director and parent to middle school boys, I’m concerned about the rise of anxiety amongst our kids.  And, it’s certainly on camp directors’ minds. Just in the past week, the subject has been raised to me three different times by different colleagues.

Because I don’t know what I really think until I write it down, here are my thoughts on what it’s all about and few ideas on how we can move forward.

The Comparison Trap

As never before in history, humans are literally bombarded with information. We have access to more information about more events around the world in every sphere of activity – governments, markets, sports, arts, and more.

This gives us unheard of amounts of knowledge. And, it gives us the ability to compare ourselves to everyone else, all the time.

Where did this person go to college? What is this person wearing? What did my friend do yesterday that is so cool? Why didn’t I make the same grade What team did she make? What a cool car/job/house/vacation….

We’ve always compared ourselves to others. It’s a human trait. However, up until a few years ago, the comparison has been to the guy or girl sitting next to you. Now, all of the sudden, we can compare ourselves to EVERYONE.

One of my oft-quoted writers is Mark Twain. He had a lot of wisdom amongst his witticisms and one, in particular, seems apt now: “Comparison is death of joy.”

Personally, I have a hard time with this myself and that’s after 43 years of life experience. I’m barely prepared to handle the information and opportunities coming at me. If that’s the case, what do you think this does to our middle and high schoolers?

The effect on them has been devastating. To me, the constant flow of information leads to constant comparisons. And that, to echo Mr. Twain’s words, steals a young person’s joy.

Possible Anxiety Antidotes

As one my teachers recently said, comparison won’t get you where you want to be. Here’s the quote from Bernadette Jiwa:

“It’s doubtful that comparing yourself or your work to someone else’s will get you to where you want to go…. (Y)ou can’t own your unique identity if you’re spending the majority of your time looking over your shoulder.”

As with a lot of Bernadette tells me, I agree. And that, to me, is the beauty of camp. Here are a few lessons from camp that I think may help our anxious young people. (They might be helpful for us… more experienced people!)

Presence

I recently listened to a podcast about getting out of your own way. The teacher, Gary John Bishop, was comparing the host’s view on life with his young daughter’s:

“At four years old, she has freedom to be. There are no constraints. She doesn’t have to be this way or that way, that way or this way. She’s way more present to the miracle of life than you are because, she is connected to what’s happening right now.”

That is the joy of camp. We totally unplug, stop the comparisons, and stay in the present. Campers are thinking about engaging right now with what they are doing and with whom they are doing it. Those moments are filled with joy, challenge, laughter, and friendships. These full moments of presence happen every day, no mindfulness or meditation needed.

Competence

Kids need to learn that they can do things on their own. This means not only making their bed, cooking a meal, changing a flat tire or unclogging a toilet. (Yes, our campers learn all of these things.)

Competence also means working through uncertainty with friends, learning how to ask questions, standing up for what you believe and learning how to learn when you are wrong.

These situations and learning build competence. And, when you have learned how to learn, this transfers to other situations.

Connection

Our kids need to connect to something larger than themselves. We humans are connective creatures – we thrive on working groups and have since the dawn of our time on earth. These connections need to be authentic, lasting, and honest.

Our current culture gets children (and adults) to start navel-gazing a lot. This comes from the comparison trap: look at that one, compare yourself, and nit-pick everything that doesn’t measure up.

Instead, our campers need to connect to something they love, which loves them, and creates a launching pad for further adventures. That’s what our counselors, division heads, and program heads do on a daily basis.

Last Thoughts

Here’s the thing: I’m just a camp director. All I know comes from working with kids and staff, reading a lot, and the experience we’ve had over 16 summers in camping.

Having said that, I do know the experience our campers have enjoyed has been incredibly positive on the whole.

Upon reflecting ‘why’, I believe it’s for these three outcomes found at Weequahic : presence, competence, and connection. (And, yes, I think talking about gratitude a lot helps, too!)

While maybe easier at camp, these outcomes are something our kids can pursue at home. Being completely present, building competencies, and forging connections certainly help to mitigate the feelings of anxiety. They all fill the space of comparison and fill our children with a deeper understanding of their own gifts. In our experience, they leave our campers with that joyful glow that leads to great memories, friendships, and outcomes.

Let’s all shoot to those goals.

Thanks for joining me around the campfire. Have a great week.

Our first five summers at Weequahic are a blur to me. We were so focused on taking our great traditions, a property that had seen some better days and make CW an incredible place for our campers.

There were a lot of bumps along the way.  Because we were changing things, not everyone was thrilled with us. And, when things didn’t go just as I wanted and envisioned, I complained a lot… to a few people.

It never felt right but I complained anyway. I wanted Weequahic to be great right now, doggone it! I wasn’t being grateful for all the magic and fun around me.

But then my whole attitude turned on a dime. Why? Because I read a very short statement from a very smart man.

Enter Dr. Hawking

Stephen Hawking studies astrophysics, math, and a whole lot of other things. His work has revolutionized our understanding of how the universe works. He is one of the smartest and brain-abled humans on the planet.

And, he is confined to a wheelchair. In fact, he’s so debilitated that he cannot speak without the aid of a computer. However, that’s not stopped him from teaching classes, writing books, giving speeches and more. How is this possible?

I think he’s done so well because he’s decided to be grateful and positive. Here’s the quote that turned me around:

“When you complain, nobody wants to help you.” 

And, you know what? He’s right.

Focus

If you spend your time focusing on the things that are wrong, and that’s what you express and project to people you know, you don’t become a source of growth for others. Rather, you become a source of distraction.

The more you complain, the more you drag everyone around you down. And while pulling people down around you so that they feel the same way may feel good for a moment, it just makes things worse for everyone.

Dr. Hawking projects gratitude and inclusiveness and growth and humor and a

wickedly sharp intellect. It’s not just Dr. Hawking who approaches things with humility and gratitude.

A Stunning Fact

Speaking of humility and gratitude, here’s an odd question: which professional sports team has the highest winning percentage in history?

Here are the leaders in their sports:

·      NFL Denver Broncos: 58%

·      NBA San Antonio Spurs: 61%

·      NHL Montreal Canadians: 59%

·      MLB Yankees: 57%

Only a few of you may even know this teams name but they are famous in their sphere: the All Blacks, New Zealand’s national rugby team. They’ve won 83% of all their matches. That’s just straight-up domination.

The All Blacks are the best of the best of the best. And you know what they do after every game, no matter if they’ve won or lost?

They clean their own locker room top to bottom.

The All Blacks want to leave the place better than they found it. Each man who wears the shirt wants to leave the organization better than when he joined. They are grateful for the experience of competing together and take nothing for granted.

These men don’t complain. They are grateful for the growth.  They appreciate the moment, each and every time. And, they win.  A lot.

Gratitude at Camp Weequahic

Are you appreciating the moment?  This is a question I often ask at Campfire.

At Weequahic, we get to play. We get to build deep friendships. We get to do things we’d never dream of at home. There is a lot to appreciate and it’s easy to do.

This attitude can become a bit more challenging at home. We are all so busy – school, work, after school activities, homework, a bit of free time…. I know because that’s our own family’s schedule. The problem with being “busy” is that it often gets in the way of appreciative the opportunities and friends around you.

Take your moments with a grateful heart. Enjoy the little things because one day you may look back and realize they were really big things in disguise.

Let’s have a grateful week!

Cole

Today at sundown marks the start of an important day in the life of many of our camp families.

Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement in English, is one of if not the most important holidays in the Jewish calendar. It’s a day for examining your actions and thoughts over the previous year, asking for forgiveness from both God and those you’ve wronged, and pledging to do better. It’s also a day for charity.

Asking for forgiveness and atoning for one’s digressions is important. First, it shows that you recognize that you’ve done wrong. Second, it allows forgiveness to enter into the equation – both you forgiving yourself and allowing the other you’ve wronged to do the same.

Sometimes, this means letting go of anger or jealousy or contempt or fear. Carrying those emotions around is like a big block tied around your neck that you’ve got to lug around. Recognize what it is, ask for forgiveness, set that puppy down and walk away from it!

That leads me to story that is applicable and, I hope, useful for you.

Elephants May Not Forget….

A few years ago, a family traveled to India to learn more about the country and culture. In their travels, they stopped at an elephant preserve where, they were told, one could walk very close to the enormous beasts.

As they entered, the father noticed the attendants walking the world’s largest and most powerful animal around by a short length of rope.

Concerned for their safety, the father cried out, “What are you doing?! That elephant can snap the rope anytime it wants and trample us all!”

“Sir,” the attendant replied, “please calm down and let me explain.

You see, when all the elephants here are born, we place a rope around their leg and tie the other end to a large tree. The young elephant is not strong enough to break the rope or move the tree.

Over time, the elephant learns that the rope controls it and this knowledge changes the elephant forever. While it’s certainly strong enough to break the rope, these elephants don’t know it.”

Drop the Rope

Imagine that – a small rope holding back one of the most powerful animals in the world. If the elephant only knew, it would be off to the races and fast!

But, the elephant would have to recognize the rope for what it truly is – a small thing, which could easily be broken or dropped, that has been given inordinate power over their actions and beliefs.

How about you? What ropes have you allowed to be placed on your leg (by others or yourself) that are holding you back? How you deal with your friends or family? Feeling guilty about something in the past or future? Being angry, lazy, rude, or jealous?

Regardless of your beliefs, spending a hour or day thoughtfully reviewing your past deeds and atoning for transgressions is a useful and beneficial practice. It will lead you to places you may not want to visit inside yourself or with others. However, the power of forgiveness is an awesome thing and I wish you all to experience it.

Talk with you next week.

(This story came from Joshua Medcalf’s Pound the Stone. I highly recommend it to all.)