Camp News & Blog

Fear and Its Antidote

October 29th, 2021

Yes, Halloween is upon us and we are all in the mood for ‘fright.’ (That goes double for us in the Kelly household as our middle son, Jack, just got his drivers license today!) But ‘scary’ kids and the challenge of seeing a child drive away did not get me thinking about today’s subject: fear.

I blame a quote I recently re-encountered.

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer…. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

from Dune by Frank Hebert

I used to think of needing to build up armor around myself to protect against fear. If I could simply protect myself or my loved ones from the need to fear, I’d have ‘won.’ But that’s not how fear works.

The Fear Reaction

Let’s take, for example, a camper who gets onto the bus to camp for the first time.

The act itself is simple, isn’t it? Walk up a few steps, down a little pathway, and plop down into the comfy seat set aside just for you. If you want to add a bit of complexity, you figure out what to do with your bus bag and, hopefully, smile and introduce yourself to the other new camper sitting next to you.

But, for many of our first-time campers, those simple action-steps are accompanied with a lot of internal perceptions, questions and reactions: will the kids be nice? What are my parents thinking? Wait a second, I’m going where? What if….

Those internal perceptions accompanying a seemingly set of actions can trigger the fear response, an emotional overload which leads to withdrawal for some and tears for others.

In this situation, ‘armour’ is not what a camper needs. Instead, they need the internal strength to let the fear response wash over them and leave. Want know what helps develop this internal awareness, this internal strength?

Stories and Effort

We all are immersed in stories from our earliest days. Great stories show people who overcome challenges, who live lives of purpose and meaning, and demonstrate the power of community. As we age, we switch from the make-believe to the stories of great humans from history like Dr. King, Mother Theresa, Mrs. Parks, and Churchill.

By learning from others, even from the likes of Harry Potter or Hermione Granger, we begin to develop the story we tell ourselves. If we are fortunate, we begin to internalize these stories in a way that adds to our internal strength. We see ourselves reaching out to those in need, rising to the occasion, overcoming challenge.

When you combine these stories with purposeful effort, you supercharge the feelings of confidence and competence. You give yourself the best chance to learn from mistakes and move forward. And, you attract others to your side to lend a hand.

Summer Camp Solution

That’s the beauty of camp. It combines a lot of great stories, a ton of support from engaged staff and lots of opportunities to practice. When done well, these aspects come together to create a virtuous cycle of increasing internal strength and connection and community.

Does fear go away? Nope. There will always be situations when it washes in. But, with stories and effort and community, fear is more likely to wash in and out, leaving nothing but your true, valiant self behind.

So, for our first-time campers above: recognize the anxiety about getting into a new situation and let it blow away. You are more excited about going to camp than anything else. Stick your hand out, smile and put in the effort. You are going to do great! We’ll be there by you as along as you need.

Happy Halloween!

Sad News about Camp Dog Mac

October 22nd, 2021

Kate and I have sad news to share. After 10 glorious summers at Weequahic, Camp Dog Mac has passed on. Unfortunately, the last trip to the vet revealed multiple, inoperable tumors. After a last few good days with us at home, we put Mac to rest this afternoon.

Camp was easily Mac’s happiest place. He’d start each summer excitedly sniffing the air as we pulled onto Woods Road following the 13-hour trek from Georgia. He’d bark and howl and run all over camp. All of the animals who had called Weequahic home for the previous few months took notice – the “alpha” was back.

Once the kids arrived, Mac spent each morning waiting patiently at the flagpole for the day to start. As soon as we dismissed, he headed straight for his favorite spot: the fishing dock.  He loved to challenge the campers to see who’d get the fish off the hook first. Sadly for the fish, Mac won a few of those contests.

He was a big fan of the UPS driver who delivered treats along with the boxes and an even bigger fan of Chef Daniel and his crew, especially when they forgot to put the trash up into the ‘Mac-proof’ bins. His true love was the attention the campers provided in buckets.

A few prospective families refused to come to a camp with dog allowed to roam.  With a smile on my face, I’d always reply that I understood and that, considering Mac was way more popular than me, he’d be staying just as he was: free and trusted. Why didn’t he ever leave camp? There was too much love and too much to do.

When not traipsing around camp, Mac would be found in Kate’s office or my own. He was the first to give a tail-wagging greeting to any camper or staff who walked in, instantly putting everyone at ease. Many a free play, he was found in the company of a home-sick camper, barking at the video drone, or, more recently, gallivanting around with the Nugent’s dog, Gus. At flag lowering, he was ready to ‘help’ any camper who miss-judged their birthday cupcake catch.

At Lights Out, Mac would follow Kate through the younger girls’ bunks saying goodnight. What could be better than a high-five from Camp Director Kate followed by a sniff and nuzzle from Mac?

While he started camp with a huge grin, he ended it each summer by hiding from us, refusing to leave. Just like our campers, he spent the first few days back home moping, mourning the loss of the connection and community of Weequahic. He truly loved being at camp.

We’ll be sad to miss our four-legged friend. He’s been a big part of our family for a long time. Rather than mourn too long, we’ll do our best to move to the ‘celebration’ phase of remembrance. We’ve so many memories to rejoice over and will remain ever grateful for his time with us.

God speed, Augustus McCrae Kelly. You were a damn good dog.

Guilty Until…

September 24th, 2021

Growing up, I remember hearing the phrase ‘innocent until proven guilty’ over and over. My parents were not lawyers but we knew a lot of them. Plus, it seemed that all of the mystery shows we watched used the phrase.

My favorite show at the time was Magnum PI with Tom Selleck (and his red Ferrari!) One show stands out in my mind. Someone had been accused of something horrible. Magnum made it his job to prove whether or not that person’s involvement was, in fact, actually true.

Many people jumped onto the bandwagon because ‘everyone knew’ that the person was guilty. But, after careful investigation, Magnum proved the person’s innocence. The right person was found, the accused person was ‘let off the hook’, and they all lived happily ever after.

TV shows are great like that: they introduce a point of drama or tension and in 40 minutes wrap the whole thing up in a pretty bow. Life is rarely that ‘clean’ and the fallout of false accusations is very real.

Speeding Up

One aspect of technology is the speed at which life moves. Not too long ago, it took phone calls to move information from one person to another. Now, a text chain can include dozens of people with little time to for buffering, for thought.

In addition, because we can’t always see the creators of the ‘news’ or the comment, we can’t read body language or see the person generating the comments/events. There is both anonymity and the ability shape the conversation, provide only the points you want rather than the fuller, truer picture.

All of this, added to our human desire to be a part of ‘the tribe’, can rev the group engine way up in positive or negative ways. And, once whatever the emotional response is (and, let’s be honest, the first response is always the emotional one), it takes a lot of courage on someone’s part to question the veracity of the direction or pose a ‘what if’ moment.

Guilty or Innocent

So, when something goes bad, we can rush to judgement or we can patiently uncover the facts. We can jump to blame or ask questions to understand. We can fan the flames or search for clarity.

The former, in all of those phrases, is a lot easier. Especially when we are young without much experience or older and in ‘protection mode’ of a loved one. I get it and have been guilty of this rush to judgement, too.

It’s a pattern of thought we’ve got to actively fight.

Fallout

What happens when someone is falsely accused? In the past, when information did not move at light speed, things had time to fall from memory somewhat quickly. Now, because the emotion and intensity of communication, the fallout lasts a great deal longer and is more destructive.

Friendships are strained and broken. Feelings are hurt. Trust is lost. And that last one is probably the biggest issue. When falsely accused by someone and then having a community of people pile on, the falsely accused no longer feels trusted in many cases. And that destroys the ability to be a part of the group.  

So, what do we do? I propose it’s time to go back to that relatively old idea: innocent until proven guilty. With our family, our friends, our acquaintances, those we barely know, and those we may not even like. Why? Because that is how you’d want to be treated… and it’s the right thing to do.

Have a great weekend!